True compassion is more than flinging a coin to a beggar. It comes to see that an edifice which produces beggars needs restructuring.

-Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

Maya Angelou, at a book signing, circa 2008

Being strong and authentic and confident. Now, that’s beautiful.

Do you miss me? …… Call me

Want to meet up? …… Invite me places

Want me to understand you? …… Open your heart to me

Want to know something about me? …… Ask me

Don’t like something? …… Please tell me

Have some advice for me? …… I want it

(I need all the help that I can get)

Have nice thoughts about me? …… Share them with me, in exquisite detail

Want/need something from me? ……. Ask for it

Love me? …… Let me know

(Don’t let anything or anyone stop you)

Thank you.

It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it.

-Aristotle

There’s actually surprisingly very little secret to success: just put in the work.

-Junyong Pak, male winner of World’s Toughest Mudder 2011

is immediate

I wrote this down after listening to David Whyte’s Midlife and the Great Unknown.

Usually I write little things like that and the blog post ends, but I think that this one needs clarification.

So, what is this post about? It’s about the fact that I used to think that to become a fully open and vulnerable person one had to take a tremendous leap from where one stood.

But this is not correct.

All it takes is a very small step: the step of lowering one’s guards. And this will appear to be difficult, but there is always a gentle way to take this step. For example, if I resist making myself vulnerable in front of my Dad, if it feels too steep, I can say to him: I sometimes think about opening up to you and I don’t because I fear you will not know what to do with it, I fear I will put myself out there and not be understood, and that scares me.

See what I mean? The first step feels too steep, I acknowledge this, and this acknowledgement becomes the step I take. Still too steep? Say: Sometimes I want to tell you how I really feel and I notice I stop myself. Too steep, still? Say: I want to get closer to you, but I don’t know how. Do you have any suggestions? Too steep, still? Sit next to him, in silence, even if only for a few moments, and appreciate his company, the sweetness of his presence, just that moment. Still too steep? Do this, from the distance, for a briefer moment still. We all start somewhere.

Most importantly, this is not a consolation prize to true intimacy. This is true intimacy, because it is growing out of the moment where I’m at, rather than from some mental/emotional state I think I’m supposed to be in for such intimacy to take place.

What I’m trying to say is that the edge of where I have to be to grow in love is not somewhere out-there where I take visibly heroic actions but rather somewhere in-here, nearer than near, where I show something authentic about myself to the person in front of me, and to myself.

All other frontiers of vulnerability are imagined

And writing this makes me very emotional because, well, this is not theoretical. I fear telling my Dad how I feel almost all the time, and I haven’t told him this yet. It feels too steep. So I’m telling you instead. That’s the step I could take today. And it is bringing me to tears.

We all start somewhere.

As for training equipment, I have a free membership to the outdoors.

-Junyong Pak, male winner of World’s Toughest Mudder 2011

When we plant a rose seed in the earth, we notice it is small, but we do not criticize it as “rootless and stemless.” We treat it as a seed, giving it the water and nourishment required of a seed.

When it first shoots up out of the earth, we don’t condemn it as “immature and underdeveloped,” nor do we criticize the buds for not being open when they appear. We stand in wonder at the process taking place, and give the plant the care it needs at each stage of its development.

A flower is not better when it blooms than when it is merely a bud; at each stage it is the same thing — a flower in the process of fully expressing itself.

-W. Timothy Gallway, quoted by Coelho

I am your own wisdom

reflected back to you

I am tough.

I used to need to boast about this, but I don’t anymore.

(II)

I am tough.

That does not give me the right to be arrogant, or condescending, or inconsiderate.

Those are characteristics of the weak.

(III)

I am tough.

May I treat everyone I meet with compassion and generosity. Especially those whom I believe are weak.

That’s what my strength is for.