Archive for the ‘Surrender’ Category

Manual for being my friend

Friday, January 13th, 2012

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Do you miss me? …… Call me

Want to meet up? …… Invite me places

Want me to understand you? …… Open your heart to me

Want to know something about me? …… Ask me

Don’t like something? …… Please tell me

Have some advice for me? …… I want it

(I need all the help that I can get)

Have nice thoughts about me? …… Share them with me, in exquisite detail

Want/need something from me? ……. Ask for it

Love me? …… Let me know

(Don’t let anything or anyone stop you)

Thank you.

Guards Down

Wednesday, December 21st, 2011

The frontier of vulnerability

is immediate


I wrote this down after listening to David Whyte’s Midlife and the Great Unknown.

Usually I write little things like that and the blog post ends, but I think that this one needs clarification.

So, what is this post about? It’s about the fact that I used to think that to become a fully open and vulnerable person one had to take a tremendous leap from where one stood.

But this is not correct.

All it takes is a very small step: the step of lowering one’s guards. And this will appear to be difficult, but there is always a gentle way to take this step. For example, if I resist making myself vulnerable in front of my Dad, if it feels too steep, I can say to him: I sometimes think about opening up to you and I don’t because I fear you will not know what to do with it, I fear I will put myself out there and not be understood, and that scares me.

See what I mean? The first step feels too steep, I acknowledge this, and this acknowledgement becomes the step I take. Still too steep? Say: Sometimes I want to tell you how I really feel and I notice I stop myself. Too steep, still? Say: I want to get closer to you, but I don’t know how. Do you have any suggestions? Too steep, still? Sit next to him, in silence, even if only for a few moments, and appreciate his company, the sweetness of his presence, just that moment. Still too steep? Do this, from the distance, for a briefer moment still. We all start somewhere.

Most importantly, this is not a consolation prize to true intimacy. This is true intimacy, because it is growing out of the moment where I’m at, rather than from some mental/emotional state I think I’m supposed to be in for such intimacy to take place.

What I’m trying to say is that the edge of where I have to be to grow in love is not somewhere out-there where I take visibly heroic actions but rather somewhere in-here, nearer than near, where I show something authentic about myself to the person in front of me, and to myself.

All other frontiers of vulnerability are imagined

And writing this makes me very emotional because, well, this is not theoretical. I fear telling my Dad how I feel almost all the time, and I haven’t told him this yet. It feels too steep. So I’m telling you instead. That’s the step I could take today. And it is bringing me to tears.

We all start somewhere.

father_and_son_in_desert

Guerrera que descansa en su propia desnudez

Sunday, October 16th, 2011

Every warrior of the light has been afraid to enter a combat.
Every warrior of the light has betrayed and lied in the past.

Every warrior of the light has lost faith in the future.
Every warrior of the light has trodden a path which was not his own.

Every warrior of the light has suffered because of unimportant things.
Every warrior of the light has doubted that he is a warrior of the light.

Every warrior of the light has failed in his spiritual obligations.
Every warrior of the light has said yes when he meant no.

Every warrior of the light has hurt someone he loved.

That is why he and she are warriors of the light:

They had endured all this without losing the hope to improve.

gue

-Paulo Coelho, in Warrior of the Light: A Manual

With you

Friday, October 14th, 2011

kalu
When you can practice anywhere - that’s the great monastery, retreat center which is with you always.

-Kalu Yangsi Rinpoche

Try this opener with the next person you meet (and write me to see how it goes)

Saturday, October 8th, 2011

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Why don’t we skip the introduction. I want to hear your question, please.

-Marion Rosen

It applies to all areas of life, let me tell you

Monday, August 1st, 2011

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Warning: A large dose of foul language follows.

Here’s a sanitized version of the same advice.

La peor diligencia es la que no se hace

Saturday, July 30th, 2011

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I chew on this

Friday, May 20th, 2011

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The Ultimate Challenge is to live with integrity.

When I say Go, you say Ruck!

Tuesday, May 17th, 2011

yoda-luke

I

I am very happy to report that this weekend I completed the Goruck Challenge in San Diego. Per their website:

Inspired by the most elite training offered to Special Forces soldiers and led by Green Berets, the GORUCK Challenge is a team event and never a race. Challenge cadre build each class into a team through collective conditions of mental and physical exhaustion. Classes are small, camaraderie is high, smiles are plentiful, and teamwork is paramount.

You and your fellow Challenge takers all wear GORUCK backpacks throughout the Challenge.  Yes, your bags will be weighted down with bricks, but if the Challenge were easy you wouldn’t sign up.

There is much I’d like to say about the Challenge, and I will nevertheless refrain. Some things in life are best appreciated when encountered with fresh eyes. Consequently, this review will be intentionally vague at times, so as not to ruin a few of the surprises that the Challenge is known for in case you, reader, ever choose to undertake it. At the same time, everybody should have some idea about what they would be getting themselves into:

(This video is a rendition of when the Challenge was completed in NYC. I did mine in San Diego)

The Challenge delivers what it promises, and more. Now, whether that’s more of a good thing or more of a bad thing is up for each person to decide.

For me it was a very valuable and positive experience. It definitely tested the limits of my physical strength and endurance, and what I found out truly surprised me: that I am much, much tougher than I thought I was. I’ve known myself to be rather mentally resilient and resourceful, thanks to years of Buddhist Meditation and Self Inquiry, but I did not know that I was physically so, at least to the extent that it showed this weekend. This knowledge is quite priceless, and for this alone I am grateful to Jason for his vision that something as insane as the Challenge could be offered to civilians and non-civilians alike so that we can jointly see what we’re capable of, when we put our minds, hearts, bones, joints and muscles to it.

I am therefore very proud of the performance of my team (and my own performance) this weekend.  To the point that it swells my heart to think about it. Really proud.

don

II

When we were in the middle of the Challenge, I wondered what kept us going. At the time I could not answer that question, but in retrospect, I realized that we had taken to heart that the Challenge is eminently about teamwork, that we had understood that when we each worked extra hard, this helped our teammates. Speaking for myself, I remember, vividly, towards the end of the Challenge (when we were all, without exception, exhausted, hungry and thirsty), having a thought like the following:

If I perform another Fireman’s Carry, or carry one of the Coupons for a little longer, that means one of my teammates does not have to do it.  And so I’m going to commit to it, for this one more block, and then re-evaluate.

This way of thinking was hugely important in helping me break the laws of conservation of energy and manufacture stamina out of thin air.  I am certain that, had I instead focused on my own survival during the Challenge, I would have burned out really early on. It is a bit paradoxical, but this is known to be the secret to successful teamwork everywhere:

Almost all the men who survived [Seal Training] possessed one common quality. Even in great pain, faced with the test of their lives, they had the ability to step outside of their own pain, put aside their own fear and ask: How can I help the guy next to me? They had more than the “fist” of courage and physical strength. They also had a heart large enough to think about others, to dedicate themselves to a higher purpose.

-Eric Greitens, in The Seal Sensibility

It is a lesson that, if understood well, can change the world many times over. It is reverberating in me like the ripples created by the dropping of a pebble on a still lake.

III

exhausted-runner

And so now it’s been 36 hours since the completion of the challenge, and every muscle in my body hurts: the soles of my feet, my calfs, my quads, my shoulders, my glutes. (Yes, those, too). And my body is decorated with bruises and cuts in a number of public and private places. And it all feels good, good, good, as all that is evidence of the vibrancy of life inside of this body that carries me around and serves me so well. It feels very good to see it put to full use.

And so the question arises as to how to best care and tender to that body in preparation for the Challenge. This is an important and lengthy topic about which I will blog in a subsequent post.

All the best to you!

Days run into weeks, weeks into months

Sunday, November 7th, 2010

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Near the place where Zen Master Hakuin lived there happened to be a food store. The owner of the food store had a beautiful unmarried daughter. One day she was found with child. Her parents flew into a rage. They wanted to know the father, but she would not give them the name. After repeated scolding and harassment, she gave up and told them it was the Zen Master. When the child was born they ran to the Zen Master, scolding him with foul tongue, and they left the infant with him. They said to him: “Take care of this child as you’re the father.” The Zen Master said, “Is that so”. That was his only comment.

He accepted the child. He started nourishing and taking care of the child. By this time his reputation had come to an end, and he was an object of mockery. Days ran into weeks, weeks into months and months into years. But there is something called conscience in our human life, and the young girl was tortured by her conscience. She finally disclosed to her parents the name of the child’s real father, a man who worked in a fish market. The parents again flew into a rage. At the same time, sorrow and humiliation tortured the household. They came running to the spiritual Master, begged his pardon, narrated the whole story and then took the child back as they said to him: “You don’t need to take care of this child anymore as you’re not his father.”

His only comment was: “Is that so.”

(Taken, with light editing, from Reps, Paul; Nyogen Senzaki. Zen Flesh, Zen Bones: A Collection of Zen and Pre-Zen Writings)