The Way of It

Barn’s burnt down-

Now I can see the moon.

-Masahide

The truth is so simple

We make it so complicated

Let me be ruined by love,

So that I may come back to you

without pride, or stupidity,

-Or pretense, or opinions-

or any sense of separation…

 -Jeremy Taylor

(In gratitude to my dear friend Heidi for passing this on)

All I have to offer

is my vulnerability

The ultimate turnaround is to begin again, to forget what I’ve learned, to stand there, naked, hands to the side, and allow the fire to burn. I notice it burns anyways (sometimes). Resisting that only makes things worse (it seems).

But, wait. Why would that be a good idea? “I don’t ever want to suffer like I did before” turns around to “I’m willing to suffer like I did before” and “I look forward to suffering like I did before.” Isn’t it so that a sane mind doesn’t suffer, ever? Something doesn’t add up here, it seems.

Except for when it does. I don’t want to spend the rest of my life running away from my thoughts, and I notice that I still do that, sometimes. So practicing being willing and looking forward to the worst that can happen allows me to catch up with myself, to recognize the parts of me that I sometimes miss. Once seen, they can be met with understanding. It doesn’t matter what it is: if it’s part of me, I want to love it. And what would escape the world of what’s for me to love?

Besides, I’m not superstitious. Inviting dread doesn’t bring it to my life. It just means I’m open to it, and when this is so what appears to be dreadful is simply not so. The whole thing is pregnant with paradox:

Resisting dread is dreadful in the extreme

So I welcome it, open to it

Then I can’t find any

Even as it comes and swallows me alive pinching my every nerve

I look around and it’s all open space.

What is there to fear?

As I write this my computer interrupts me to inform me that “new processes have been scanned” and that my computer is hence free from adware and spyware.

For now

Why would I want it to stop

and miss the lessons it brings?

Coming back to life

having never died

it is the strangest thing.

It is all of course a lie

yet a complete delight

Even when it does not appear to be so.

It really is the strangest thing.

The highest level is to be level with everyone.

To not leave anyone behind.

The pockets of life in between the sadness

actually comprise everything.

It’s good to notice.