Archive for the ‘Life’ Category

Inviting dread

Friday, August 8th, 2008

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The ultimate turnaround is to begin again, to forget what I’ve learned, to stand there, naked, hands to the side, and allow the fire to burn. I notice it burns anyways (sometimes). Resisting that only makes things worse (it seems).

But, wait. Why would that be a good idea? “I don’t ever want to suffer like I did before” turns around to “I’m willing to suffer like I did before” and “I look forward to suffering like I did before.” Isn’t it so that a sane mind doesn’t suffer, ever? Something doesn’t add up here, it seems.

Except for when it does. I don’t want to spend the rest of my life running away from my thoughts, and I notice that I still do that, sometimes. So practicing being willing and looking forward to the worst that can happen allows me to catch up with myself, to recognize the parts of me that I sometimes miss. Once seen, they can be met with understanding. It doesn’t matter what it is: if it’s part of me, I want to love it. And what would escape the world of what’s for me to love?

Besides, I’m not superstitious. Inviting dread doesn’t bring it to my life. It just means I’m open to it, and when this is so what appears to be dreadful is simply not so. The whole thing is pregnant with paradox:

Resisting dread is dreadful in the extreme

So I welcome it, open to it

Then I can’t find any

Even as it comes and swallows me alive pinching my every nerve

I look around and it’s all open space.

What is there to fear?

As I write this my computer interrupts me to inform me that “new processes have been scanned” and that my computer is hence free from adware and spyware.

For now :)

Honest, direct communication

Wednesday, July 30th, 2008

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All along

Thursday, July 17th, 2008

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To realize that I’ve been mourning the loss of what I never had.

What freedom!

“Progress”

Saturday, July 5th, 2008

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The highest level is to be level with everyone.

Time together

Friday, July 4th, 2008

We walked the streets of San Francisco, we visited Alcatraz, we played at the MontaƱa de Oro dunes, we hiked to the top of Cerro San Luis, we played at the San Luis Obispo rock climbing gym, we kayaked in Morro Bay

But the most important part was that we were together.


Tabblo: Summer 2008 with the kids

Maya, Tad and Eduardo messing around in California … See my Tabblo>

Writing on the Wall

Tuesday, April 15th, 2008

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The trust that has been placed on me by my teachers

I shall not defraud

All the Love There Is

Saturday, February 23rd, 2008

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The ways that you love me

Leave me to myself

Thank you

No Brainer

Tuesday, January 29th, 2008

 

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In my vulnerability lies my true intelligence

What you see is what you get

Saturday, January 26th, 2008

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Everything is the tip of the iceberg

 

 

Second to none

Wednesday, December 19th, 2007

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Life makes a beautiful mosaic

out of the broken peaces