True compassion is more than flinging a coin to a beggar. It comes to see that an edifice which produces beggars needs restructuring.
-Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.
Archive for the ‘Begin again’ Category
Insight breeds Service
Monday, January 16th, 2012
Guards Down
Wednesday, December 21st, 2011The frontier of vulnerability
is immediate
I wrote this down after listening to David Whyte’s Midlife and the Great Unknown.
Usually I write little things like that and the blog post ends, but I think that this one needs clarification.
So, what is this post about? It’s about the fact that I used to think that to become a fully open and vulnerable person one had to take a tremendous leap from where one stood.
But this is not correct.
All it takes is a very small step: the step of lowering one’s guards. And this will appear to be difficult, but there is always a gentle way to take this step. For example, if I resist making myself vulnerable in front of my Dad, if it feels too steep, I can say to him: I sometimes think about opening up to you and I don’t because I fear you will not know what to do with it, I fear I will put myself out there and not be understood, and that scares me.
See what I mean? The first step feels too steep, I acknowledge this, and this acknowledgement becomes the step I take. Still too steep? Say: Sometimes I want to tell you how I really feel and I notice I stop myself. Too steep, still? Say: I want to get closer to you, but I don’t know how. Do you have any suggestions? Too steep, still? Sit next to him, in silence, even if only for a few moments, and appreciate his company, the sweetness of his presence, just that moment. Still too steep? Do this, from the distance, for a briefer moment still. We all start somewhere.
Most importantly, this is not a consolation prize to true intimacy. This is true intimacy, because it is growing out of the moment where I’m at, rather than from some mental/emotional state I think I’m supposed to be in for such intimacy to take place.
What I’m trying to say is that the edge of where I have to be to grow in love is not somewhere out-there where I take visibly heroic actions but rather somewhere in-here, nearer than near, where I show something authentic about myself to the person in front of me, and to myself.
All other frontiers of vulnerability are imagined
And writing this makes me very emotional because, well, this is not theoretical. I fear telling my Dad how I feel almost all the time, and I haven’t told him this yet. It feels too steep. So I’m telling you instead. That’s the step I could take today. And it is bringing me to tears.
We all start somewhere.
We don’t condemn it as immature
Tuesday, December 13th, 2011
When we plant a rose seed in the earth, we notice it is small, but we do not criticize it as “rootless and stemless.” We treat it as a seed, giving it the water and nourishment required of a seed.
When it first shoots up out of the earth, we don’t condemn it as “immature and underdeveloped,” nor do we criticize the buds for not being open when they appear. We stand in wonder at the process taking place, and give the plant the care it needs at each stage of its development.
A flower is not better when it blooms than when it is merely a bud; at each stage it is the same thing — a flower in the process of fully expressing itself.
-W. Timothy Gallway, quoted by Coelho
Text
Thursday, December 1st, 2011
Fuístes cayendo en mi planeta como la cola de un cometa.
Guerrera que descansa en su propia desnudez
Sunday, October 16th, 2011Every warrior of the light has been afraid to enter a combat.
Every warrior of the light has betrayed and lied in the past.
Every warrior of the light has lost faith in the future.
Every warrior of the light has trodden a path which was not his own.
Every warrior of the light has suffered because of unimportant things.
Every warrior of the light has doubted that he is a warrior of the light.
Every warrior of the light has failed in his spiritual obligations.
Every warrior of the light has said yes when he meant no.
Every warrior of the light has hurt someone he loved.
That is why he and she are warriors of the light:
They had endured all this without losing the hope to improve.
-Paulo Coelho, in Warrior of the Light: A Manual
With you
Friday, October 14th, 2011
When you can practice anywhere - that’s the great monastery, retreat center which is with you always.
Try this opener with the next person you meet (and write me to see how it goes)
Saturday, October 8th, 2011
Why don’t we skip the introduction. I want to hear your question, please.
-Marion Rosen
It applies to all areas of life, let me tell you
Monday, August 1st, 2011
When I say Good, you say Livin’!
Thursday, May 19th, 2011
Earlier this week I completed the Goruck Challenge, a crazy ass event that is hard to describe. I wrote about my positive experience completing it on my last post. Today’s post is about preparing for the Goruck Challenge, both physically, mentally, as well as logistically.
Others have blogged about these matters and I just want to produce here a very succinct document that has just about everything you need to know to prepare for the Challenge, without giving anything away.
Physical training
The essence of the training is to run with weights. Do a few runs with one of these in your backpack:
Then graduate to two of those.
Run in varied terrain. Asphalt, sand, hills. Sprint, every now and then. If there are hiking trails nearby, run (or at least fast-hike) them a few times as well. A nice way to train is to blow off a Saturday as follows: get out of the house with your backpack, and some snacks, and run away from home on the first half of the day, then run back on the second half. It’s a nice way to get to know the city you live in.
It will probably help if you do other stuff as well. Consider doing some of Eva T’s bodyweight workouts, with or without your pack on.
Mental Training
Attend the Challenge with the attitude that you have no idea what is going to happen in it. The truth is: we never have any idea of what is going to happen, but we believe we do. It is the illusion of control, also known in other cultures as the source of suffering. Part of what makes the Challenge a CHALLENGE is that at any given moment we wish to control a situation that is out of our control, and learning (as they say in Yoga) to relax into the pose, or (as they say in Buddhism) to be comfortable with uncertainty, can make the difference between success and failure in the Challenge. Jason puts it simply on the Goruck Challenge website: it’s all mental.
Gear
1. Wear clothes that are light, will keep you warm, and will dry quickly. Do what you can to stay warm, which requires for you to know what that will be exactly. Don’t underestimate this. Failure to do this will seriously debilitate you and it may make it not possible for you to complete the challenge. Google the lowest temperature that the city where your challenge will be can experience during the month of your challenge, and prepare for that temperature, under the assumption that you will be wet and that it may be windy. I ended up running with compression pants and shirt (long sleeve), a pair of shorts, coolmax trail socks, and a windbreaker. I also had with me a light fleece that I brought just in case but that ended not using. This exact mix worked well for me. Bring gloves, no matter the season, to protect your hands.
2. As far as shoes goes: pick a pair that is light, dries quickly, and can handle varied terrain, but don’t run on VFF’s. Those are awesome shoes (they are my preferred shoe for running), but the weight factor in the Challenge really calls for another kind of shoe. I tried them during training, quickly realized that I was going to need something different, and settled for a very light pair of Inov-8’s designed for off-road running that worked really well.
3. Wrap your bricks in duct tape, as you have been instructed, but don’t make too bulky a package, or it may not fit in the backpack you’re given. This is what happened to me, as I wrapped my four bricks on a towel that was too thick. Let’s just say that the consequences of that mistake made for some serious good livin’ out there!
Food, Water
Be prepared to have the snacks/gels/electrolytes you’d want for a strenuous 10 hour hike. Then add a bit more. You’re going to use them all up. My rule was to have a piece of something I could chew on more or less every hour, and this rule worked well for me.
Bring a hydration bladder with 3 liters of water in it, plus a bit more. I hesitate to say exactly how much more, as you won’t have much space left on your pack after you fit your bricks and your bladder into your pack (incidentally, a 3 liter hydration bladder doesn’t fit real well on the Goruck Echo). You will be replenishing your water reservoirs at some point, but nobody will know exactly when. So plan accordingly.
Drink lots of water before the Challenge begins.
This is the second post in a three part series. To see the final post regarding this incredible journey, click here.
When I say Go, you say Ruck!
Tuesday, May 17th, 2011
I
I am very happy to report that this weekend I completed the Goruck Challenge in San Diego. Per their website:
Inspired by the most elite training offered to Special Forces soldiers and led by Green Berets, the GORUCK Challenge is a team event and never a race. Challenge cadre build each class into a team through collective conditions of mental and physical exhaustion. Classes are small, camaraderie is high, smiles are plentiful, and teamwork is paramount.
You and your fellow Challenge takers all wear GORUCK backpacks throughout the Challenge. Yes, your bags will be weighted down with bricks, but if the Challenge were easy you wouldn’t sign up.
There is much I’d like to say about the Challenge, and I will nevertheless refrain. Some things in life are best appreciated when encountered with fresh eyes. Consequently, this review will be intentionally vague at times, so as not to ruin a few of the surprises that the Challenge is known for in case you, reader, ever choose to undertake it. At the same time, everybody should have some idea about what they would be getting themselves into:
(This video is a rendition of when the Challenge was completed in NYC. I did mine in San Diego)
The Challenge delivers what it promises, and more. Now, whether that’s more of a good thing or more of a bad thing is up for each person to decide.
For me it was a very valuable and positive experience. It definitely tested the limits of my physical strength and endurance, and what I found out truly surprised me: that I am much, much tougher than I thought I was. I’ve known myself to be rather mentally resilient and resourceful, thanks to years of Buddhist Meditation and Self Inquiry, but I did not know that I was physically so, at least to the extent that it showed this weekend. This knowledge is quite priceless, and for this alone I am grateful to Jason for his vision that something as insane as the Challenge could be offered to civilians and non-civilians alike so that we can jointly see what we’re capable of, when we put our minds, hearts, bones, joints and muscles to it.
I am therefore very proud of the performance of my team (and my own performance) this weekend. To the point that it swells my heart to think about it. Really proud.
II
When we were in the middle of the Challenge, I wondered what kept us going. At the time I could not answer that question, but in retrospect, I realized that we had taken to heart that the Challenge is eminently about teamwork, that we had understood that when we each worked extra hard, this helped our teammates. Speaking for myself, I remember, vividly, towards the end of the Challenge (when we were all, without exception, exhausted, hungry and thirsty), having a thought like the following:
If I perform another Fireman’s Carry, or carry one of the Coupons for a little longer, that means one of my teammates does not have to do it. And so I’m going to commit to it, for this one more block, and then re-evaluate.
This way of thinking was hugely important in helping me break the laws of conservation of energy and manufacture stamina out of thin air. I am certain that, had I instead focused on my own survival during the Challenge, I would have burned out really early on. It is a bit paradoxical, but this is known to be the secret to successful teamwork everywhere:
Almost all the men who survived [Seal Training] possessed one common quality. Even in great pain, faced with the test of their lives, they had the ability to step outside of their own pain, put aside their own fear and ask: How can I help the guy next to me? They had more than the “fist” of courage and physical strength. They also had a heart large enough to think about others, to dedicate themselves to a higher purpose.
-Eric Greitens, in The Seal Sensibility
It is a lesson that, if understood well, can change the world many times over. It is reverberating in me like the ripples created by the dropping of a pebble on a still lake.
III
And so now it’s been 36 hours since the completion of the challenge, and every muscle in my body hurts: the soles of my feet, my calfs, my quads, my shoulders, my glutes. (Yes, those, too). And my body is decorated with bruises and cuts in a number of public and private places. And it all feels good, good, good, as all that is evidence of the vibrancy of life inside of this body that carries me around and serves me so well. It feels very good to see it put to full use.
And so the question arises as to how to best care and tender to that body in preparation for the Challenge. This is an important and lengthy topic about which I will blog in a subsequent post.
All the best to you!
