Sometimes one does not know what is one about to say before one says it. This was the case with the sentence I just wrote, and with this one, and this one. Hmm. On the other hand, that last one I kind of knew a little before. Or did I?
The purpose of this note is to wake the reader up to the notion that one never really knows, that one has the illusion of knowing, which is a different story. This illusion is so stable that it fools us into giving life a sense of continuity that it does not really have.
I say it like this: there are two kinds of moments in our lives. Firs there are the seemingly predictable moments. Then there are the seemingly unpredictable ones. But they are all equally unpredictable. It is a radically unpredictable life this one that we live, and the consequences of this fact run real deep.
Once the walls of illusion drop and one is left at the center without the protection of that which offered false protection anyways, what is one to do? To walk the walk, in intimacy with the life lived without concepts, a moment at a time, sometimes even terrifying, for as long as the ripples of the mind continue to run their course. Acceptance of radical uncertainty seems to be a curse before it can be seen as the blessing that it really is. It is the mental fat that we had accumulated throughout the years burning at warp speed that which creates the stink. We are safe, in the nowhere, yet the stink permeates the inner room. Agonizing, untl it isn’t. The fat has to run out, be consumed in the fire of sorrow and hopelesness, then one can stand again, better still, one can crawl again, remain real close to the ground, to what is seemingly most real.
This is why gardening is the meditation of choice of those who really know their shit. Or of those who are mental. Get your hands in the dirt, rest at the mercy of what The Elements will do to the plants that you care for, build patience and endurance for living at the same pace as the passing of the seasons. In this vein, I wonder what it means that I’ve never really taken gardening as my thing.
But it’s OK. As the famous saying goes:
As a bee seeks nectar
from all kinds of flowers,
seek teachings everywhere.
And so I have sought them elsewhere.
